


Pas De Vie Sans Amour

by LongWayHomee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Established Relationship, Except not really done in 30 days, M/M, Side ship krista/ymir, main Jeanmarco, more like 40, some Jean/Sasha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 13:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2813447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LongWayHomee/pseuds/LongWayHomee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started out as just one late night home. Then one late night become two, and two late nights became a growing distance between Marco Bott and his lover Jean Kirstein. They thought they were in love, but one part agression mixed with one part infidelity mixed with two parts cheap liquor leads to a relationship that might not be worth saving. Inspired by the 30 day UN-love you challenge (http://30daychallengearchive.tumblr.com/post/36615876636/un-love-you-writing-art-30-day-challenge), will Jean and Marco learn to love again, or is this goodbye?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Were Right About Me

_When routine bites hard,_  
And ambitions are low,  
And resentment rides high,  
But emotions won't grow,  
And we're changing our ways,  
Taking different roads. 

_Then love, love will tear us apart again.  
Love, love will tear us apart again. _

Love Will Tear Us Apart/ Susanna and The Magical Orchestra (cover of Joy Division)  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHhVydgvuAc#t=75

 

 

It’s eight o’clock. The table is set. The candles are lit. A delicious dinner for two lays on top of a rich red tablecloth in a small flat on the fifth floor. Slow, soft music plays in the background, and the lights are turned down low. An attractive young man in a crisply pressed shirt sits at the table. Jean Kirschtein had all the ingredients for a perfect date, except for one thing: the date. He groaned, dropping his head into his hands. He angrily whipped his phone out of his pocket, checking the time. Marco should’ve been home over an hour ago, but there was still no sign of his boyfriend. Jean pulled up Marco’s contact page and jabbed call, raising the phone to his ear. It rang several times, and just as Jean was about to lose patience, Marco picked up.  
“Jean!” Marco answered, his voice struggling with the sound of a busy train station around him. “Jean, are you there?”  
“I should be asking you the same. Where are you? It’s date night, you were supposed to be here ages ago.” Marco let out a slight gasp.  
“Jean, I’m so-“ he trailed off. There was a moment of tension, an angry silence hanging over them. Finally, Jean answered in a calculated, disappointed tone.  
“You forgot.”  
“Jean, baby, I’m so sorry.” Marco babbled. “It’s just with the busy season coming up and the promotion I’ve just been so wrapped up in work it completely slipped my mind, I’m so, so sorry.” Marco explained as he dashed through the station, hurrying to jump on his train home.  
“Yeah. Whatever.” Jean answered, his voice heavy. “I’ll-“ he sighed in frustration, rubbing the nape of his neck. “I’ll see you when you get home.” He ended the call and slammed the phone down. He suddenly felt stupid for having gone to the trouble with the elaborate date setup, now that his date had fucking forgotten. It wouldn’t be that bad, but since Marco had gotten his new position with the photography company he worked with, he’d hardly had any time for Jean. Even when they were both home, he just felt distant, distracted even. Jean sighed heavily, and began to clear the table. He didn’t really want to sit through an hour of conversation with semi-comatose, overly apologetic Marco tonight. Hopefully things would be better tomorrow and they could reschedule.  
Half an hour later, the apartment was back to normal and Jean was draped across the couch, watching American Ninja Warrior. A jingling of keys jerked Jean out of his TV stupor, and he flipped around to see Marco entering their apartment, a mix of embarrassment, shame, and most of all exhaustion dancing across his face. Jean took his time clicking off the television set, and dragged himself across to lean against the back of the sofa, watching Marco almost predatorily as he took off his shoes and hung up his jacket. Marco went through his usual motions slowly, the burn of Jean’s eyes on his back almost as suffocating as the silence hanging over him. Marco tried his hardest to prolong the inevitable argument that was about to happen, but it could wait no longer. He turned to face Jean, who stood a few feet away with his arms crossed and his shoulders hunched.  
“You’re home.” The terse greeting cut through the air like a knife, making Marco wince.  
“I’m sorry, Jean. This isn’t fair to you, it’s really not.” Marco started, his words stumbling over each other in their rush to get out. “You deserve better.”  
“You’re right, it isn’t fair. This is the second time this month, what’s going on here?” Jean retorted, uncrossing his arms and taking a step forwards.  
“I’m sorry, it’s just the new job and the time of year and you know how it gets, I feel really bad, honestly Jean, I’m-“  
“Stop apologising!” Jean yelled, cutting Marco off.  
“Jesus, Jean, what’s going on with you? Why are you so worked up? Yeah, so I got home late. Sue me. It’s not like you’ve never been late before!” Marco shouted back, shocked by Jean’s yelling.  
“This isn’t just about being late! It’s about these past two months, you’ve barely been there! Even if you’re sitting right next to me, it’s just like you don’t even register. I’m just- I’m tired of this.” Jean burst out, pacing across to the small kitchen corner.  
“Come on Jean, I mean I’m sorry but you’re acting like this is all my fault! You know what isn’t my fault? That you’re losing your independence. I’m your boyfriend, not your life support. You can live without me sometimes.” By now they were both shouting, standing close enough that Marco could feel the anger radiating from Jean.  
“Marco, don’t try to shift the blame here. I don’t need you to follow me everywhere, I’d just appreciate it if you actually showed up for our dates on time!”  
“I’d appreciate it if you weren’t so dependent and weak!”  
An abrupt silence fell across the room. Marco gasped slightly, taking a step back. Jean looked away, smirking slightly to cover the fact that he was moments away from tears. When he spoke, his voice was rough.  
“Oh yeah? So that’s it? I’m weak?” Marco rushed towards him, wishing desperately he could take back his words.  
“No, Jean, I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not-“  
“No.” He smirked again, looking up as the light caught the tears in his eyes. “No, Marco. You were right about me.” Jean choked, pushing Marco away from him and storming into their bedroom.  
Marco remained frozen in the main room, regretting what he’d said to Jean. He couldn’t face going back in there while Jean was still mad, so instead opted to clean the apartment, biding his time until Jean was asleep.  
Marco wandered into the kitchen, carrying an empty coke can he’d found on the sofa. He tossed it into the recycling bin, collapsing onto a kitchen chair. Piled on the table were a red tablecloth, their two nice candlesticks, and a bottle of wine. Marco felt a tear in the corner of his eye, his guilt doubling as he realised how much effort Jean had put into their dinner.  
Once Marco was sure Jean was sleeping, he silently crept back into the bedroom. Jean was curled up in a hoodie and sweatpants, facing towards the wall. Marco quietly changed out of his work clothes, being extra careful not to wake Jean. He slid into bed, wrapping a blanket around him and facing towards Jean.  
“I’m sorry, Jean.” he whispered, ghosting a hand down the curve of Jean’s back. “I didn’t mean it. You’re strong, you’re so strong.” He smiled, his hand coming to a stop. “I love you.” He finished, curling up next to the sleeping Jean and gently drifting off to sleep himself.  
Just before Marco fell asleep, he felt the blankets rustle as Jean rolled over, draping an arm over Marco’s side. Marco was nearly asleep, but he could’ve sworn he heard Jean whisper,  
“I love you too.”


	2. I Was Wrong About You

_You might lose your faith in science._  
 _You might lose faith in wealth._  
 _You might lose your faith in Jesus,_  
 _or lose faith in yourself._  
  
 _But, when I let you down,_  
 _look past your doubt._  
 _Just, please, please,_  
 _don't lose your faith in me._

Faith / Taking Back Sunday

 

By the time Jean woke up the next morning, Marco had already left for work. He slowly sat up, cracking his neck and running a hand through his dishevelled bed head. The sun streamed through the blinds, bringing with them the promise of a better day. Jean slowly stretched, reluctant to pull himself from the warmth of his bed. He glanced at his alarm clock, which read 9:20. He didn’t have to be at work until noon, as his first class wasn’t until 12:30. Jean worked in the athletics department and the posh private school nearby, which consist mostly of lifeguarding and being a middle school football coach. While others might look down on that job, Jean didn’t mind: it was easy, paid well enough, and he got the school breaks off. However, it didn’t really compare to Marco’s-

            That’s when Jean remembered their fight last night. Although he remembered their very late night apologies, his heart still sank a little as he remembered the whole affair. He hadn’t meant to blow up like that, but it had been a long time coming. Jean mulled over the situation as he dragged himself out of bed and brewed a strong black coffee, just the way he liked it. Things were still going to be a little tense when they discussed the situation, which Jean figured would happen later that night, but at least everything was out in the open.

He sat at the table, idly stirring his coffee and staring dully ahead. A mirror that hadn’t yet been hung stood on the other side of the table, in the perfect position to give Jean a full view of his body. He grimaced slightly, a little disgusted by his unshaven face. He had grown a dusting of stubble, and it definitely wasn’t a good look for him. He resolved to shave before leaving for work, before scanning the rest of his body. Jean was proud of the muscle he’d been developing recently, his toned golden skin developing some impressive, lean muscles. He ran a hand over his chest, rubbing the intricate tattoo inked just under his collarbone. It was a pair of wings, and he’d gotten it done when slightly drunk on the night of his college graduation. He’d regretted it at first, but he’d grown to appreciate the fine beauty of it.

            Once Jean felt he’d spent enough time admiring himself in the mirror, he hauled himself into his and Marco’s bedroom to get dressed. Luckily, his work clothes were a pair of track pants and a jersey, so it wasn’t long before he’d dressed, shaved and was out the door. It was a short bus ride to the school, and he was soon standing in front of a line of gangly, awkward eleven year olds in football shorts and jerseys, all chatting and whispering among themselves. Jean let out a sharp whistle blow and they all fell silent, turning their attention to Jean.

“Alright everyone, partner up. We’re going to do some passing drills, so grab a ball.” There was a bit of groaning between the students as they moved off into pairs, none of them wanting to work on drills, and the frosty autumn air not helping. “Okay, we’re gonna start off with the transition drill. Ready? Go!” Jean blew the whistle, and they were off. Normally he’d spend this time going around helping and correcting the students, but today, his mind wandered. Today was both his and Marco’s short days at work, so Marco was coming to pick him up after his last class today. They could talk things over then, and hopefully think of a way to fix this. The feelings were definitely still there, they just had to think of a way to get that across. He supposed it wasn’t entirely Marco’s fault that he’d been a little absent recently, he was really busy with his job, especially with all the Christmas card shoots and all coming up. Maybe if he-

            Jean was pulled out of his daze rather abruptly and painfully when a soccer ball flew across the pitch and hit him square in the nose. He just managed to hold himself back from swearing, instead letting out a weird grunting noise. As the pain throbbed in Jean’s nose, one of his students came running towards him.

“Mr Kirstein, are you okay? I’m sorry!” He was ready to let loose on the kid, but when he saw how absolutely terrified the poor boy looked, he decided against it.

“It’s not broken. I’ll be fine. I’m just gonna go inside and clean this up, start a match up while I’m gone.” With that, he turned on his heel and headed towards the gym, clamping a hand over his bleeding nose.

            When he got inside, he was immediately met by a high pitched voice calling, “Oh my god, Jean, are you okay?” It was Mina, Jean’s fellow swim coach, and the person in charge of all the administrative things in the school’s athletics program. “What happened?” She asked, concern all over her face.

“It was one of the kids, little shit kicked a ball in my face.” Jean replied, his voice muffled by the hand still pressed over his nose. Mina’s face changed from concern to repressed laughter, as she tried hard to remain serious. “What?” Jean asked angrily, not in the mood to be laughed at. Mina shook her head, walking around her desk to grab a first aid kit.

“Nothing, just, this would only happen to you.” Her face turned serious, as if suddenly remembering something. “Hey, that reminds me, I needed to talk to you about something…” Mina looked around the room, where there were about 10 parents and staff waiting for meetings. “Preferably somewhere a little more private.” She finished. Jean wondered what Mina could have to say to him that was so secretive.

“Uh, we could just…” he gestured vaguely towards the supply closet. “Go in there?” Mina nodded, and Jean opened the door, following her into the cramped little room. He reached over her head to flick on the light, illuminating a cluttered mess of brooms, mops, and various other things.

“Here, let’s get some ice on your nose first.” She cracked an ice pack and passed it to Jean ,who accepted it gratefully. “Now, I didn’t really know who to go to with this, I didn’t want to take it straight to the head of department, but I felt like you might know what to do.” Mina explained, looking down towards her fidgeting fingers.

“Yeah, what is it?” Jean asked leaning forward, placing a reassuring hand on her knee. Mina drew in a breath, straightening herself out.

“It’s just, when I was going through the locker rooms earlier today, looking for a lost watch, I found this.” Mina pulled a small plastic bag out of her pocket. In it was a dried up green ball of some sort of plant. Jean immediately recognised the substance: that was weed. Jean took the packet, shaking his head. Mina looked up at him. “What should we do?”

“You know what I say, Jean replied, leaning back. It’s a private school full of rich, bored white kids. Of course they’re gonna do drugs. I’ll talk to my senior class about it, but I wouldn’t bring it to the head.” Mina nodded, letting out a relieved sigh.

“Of course you’re right. I was getting all worked up over nothing.” Jean smiled at her the best he could through his bloodied nose.

“Hey, don’t sweat it. You handled it well.” Jean went to stand up, but unfortunately, so did Mina. The cramped closet was barely big enough to hold one person, let alone the both of them. Mina tripped and fell into Jean, knocking down a few stacks of cleaning supplies on the way.

            In the main lobby, Marco had arrived to pick Jean up. He was slouched across the front desk, unsurprised by Jean’s lateness. It wasn’t exactly anything new. _And Jean was the one getting mad at me for not showing up on time…_ Marco thought, till a little peeved by their argument the previous night. Suddenly, he heard a commotion from the storage cupboard. It sounded like someone had fallen. Marco pulled himself up off the desk, and made his way towards the cupboard. As he got closer, he thought he could hear voices. Voices and laughter. The closer he listened, the more it sounded like… Jean’s? It couldn’t be. Marco pulled open the door, and almost screamed. It was Jean, and he was leaning against the wall with a pretty brunette girl draped over him, laughing. His laughter stopped the moment he saw Marco.

“Marco, this isn’t what it looks like!” Marco took a step back, barely believing what he saw.

“Did you honestly just say ‘this isn’t what it looks like’?” Marco asked, rage slowly building.

“I can explain!” Jean shouted, pushing a confused and embarrassed Mina off of him, but Marco was already storming away.

“Don’t bother.” He spit back, not even turning to look at Jean.

            Marco was halfway to the parking lot when Jean caught up with him. “Marco, please just let me explain!” Jean panted, jumping in front of him.

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“Honestly, it was nothing! A kid hit me in the nose, so I went in to clean it up, and-“

“And decided to go in the closet and fuck the pretty Italian. You know what? I was wrong about you. You aren’t weak. You just don’t care. About me, about her, about anyone but yourself!” Marco yelled, and Jean stopped in front of him.

“I wasn’t cheating on you!” Jean shouted back, so powerfully that Marco stopped in his tracks. “She found some drugs in the girls locker room and didn’t know what to do with them, so she was asking me. You can go back and ask her yourself if you want. Just please, believe me. I would never do that to you.” Jean finished, his voice having fallen back to a normal level. “I love you.” Marco didn’t reply, but unlocked his car, which they’d reached by now.

“Get in.” Marco said, not even looking at Jean. Jean quietly slid into the car, head hung in shame, as they started the painfully silent ride home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, second chapter done, I hope you liked it! Remember to follow on tumblr for updates, and kudos/comments are really appreciated!


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